Lessons from a two year old

So if you don't already know, I am currently living in Gatley with my sister, her husband and their little boy (my nephew), Rohan.

Rohan is 2 years old and 10 months. I am aware that I may be biased, but given that I have very little affection for children in general (it more usually tends towards fear/loathing), and suffer from the condition I like to call "Baby Fear", even I have to admit that he is pretty cute, as kids go.

If you don't believe me, feast your eyes on this:

His eyelashes put Revlon mascara to shame

Cute, eh? :)

Having been away for almost a year and missed out on some major milestones of his development, the kind that seem to tot up at an alarming rate at this age, it's actually quite nice to be around on a more everyday basis and see these changes as they happen in real time.

Amidst carrying out auntie duties, I've also found that living with a 2 year old can give you an interesting new perspective on life. Because, let's face it, we're at very different stages of our lives, Rohan and me. I'm 26 years old, jobless, penniless, living at home, facing an ongoing quarter-life crisis of not knowing what to do – what I want to do, what I should be doing – and spending each day battling the urge to just slob about in my Cookie Monster onesie eating bowls of Cookie Crisp and faffing about on the Internets all day. And Rohan. Well, Rohan has to battle the everyday trauma of not being allowed to watch more than 2 episodes of Abney and Teal before bedtime. Seems pretty trivial to me, but I know it's no laughing matter for him.

But you know what, at least he knows what he wants. He wants to sit in his Buzz Lightyear chair, and watch loads of Abney and Teal, because that's what he loves and that's what he wants to do. And he will stop at nothing to try and get it. Seriously, if you've seen the determination and range of tactics he uses on my sister everyday come 6/6.30pm you would be impressed.

You see? Determination, tenacity and creativity. Good lessons.

Lately though, one of the struggles he and my sister have both been facing together is a big hurdle in his child development: toilet training. This is an ongoing, and arduous process, and one which Rohan is not finding easy. But on the flipside, he is a mini prodigy when it comes to communication. My inner academic nerd and my English Literature heart sing at his love of words, his love of stories, his ever-burgeoning vocabulary, his swiftness at picking up new phrases and grammatical structures, and how much he loves to learn. He already knows all the letters of the alphabet and can count up to 30. Amazing! So that made me realise Lesson #1:

Lesson #1: You can't always be good at everything... and that's OK.  

The main thing is that he's learning. And he'll get there – in his own time.

I've also observed that when you have to jump over a hurdle of such magnitude as using a grown up toilet and swapping the snug safety net of your nappy for teeny Thomas/Spiderman underpants, you have to do it in stages!

For example, at the moment, Rohan is finding doing "shushu" (a wee) is a lot easier to manage than "hagu" (a poo). For some reason, letting go of his wee in the potty is a lot less momentous than doing a poo. I've seen him give himself constipation out of crippling, psychological fear of pooing out of his nappy. I've seen him hopping about on one leg, face scrunched up in intense pain, in a total quandary, because he desperately needs to go but is terrified of his sudden, enforced, nappyless existence. "I want my Pull-Ups!" he cries. So he takes off his undies, puts his Pull-Ups on, and lets go. This taught me another valuable lesson:

Lesson #2: Change is scary. And sometimes, wallowing in your own shit is preferable to the alternative because it's more comfortable and it's what you're used to

But that does not mean that you shouldn't throw your own nappy out of the window, and be free. So this made me think: What's your nappy? What shit are you wallowing in?

Clearly, for Rohan, overcoming his psychological poo barrier will take some time, and sometimes it's not good to force it (hence distressing constipation fear complex). But he is making excellent progress on the wee front. In fact, just this morning this is what I heard coming from the bathroom:

Rohan: "Mummy! Mummy! I did it!"
Sis: "You did it? Let's see?"
Rohan: "I did it!"
Sis: "Wow, you did! And it's all in the bowl, too! Well done!"
Rohan: "I'm not scared of the toilet anymore! I'm not scared of the toilet anymore! I'm echellent."
Sis: "Yes, you are excellent."

Bless. He sounded SO chuffed, and well he should be. But you don't go from wet nappies to perfect toilet technique straightaway. Just the other week, the poor chap let one go on the floor of Coop whilst out shopping with Daddy. And the other day, the wee went half in the loo and half on the toilet seat. Probably an angling issue. Now, if Rohan spent all his time thinking about these missteps and misfires and weighed himself down with feelings of shame, or guilt, or despair, he would never get anywhere. In fact he'd probably go off the idea of toilets altogether and lead a sad, hermit life with only his nappy for company. Which brings me nicely to Lesson #3:

Lesson #3: Don't be afraid to get wee on the bowl. 

Mistakes happen. But that's how you learn.

I think this is a great lesson for me, especially, because I understand Rohan's performance anxiety. Sometimes I get so scared of failing that I don't even try, and that's probably the biggest mistake of them all.